By Jade Fell
Get ready to enter the world of the fantastic, phenomenal and downright freaky. If you like huge space monsters, faster-than-light travel, erotic six-breasted aliens with strange reproductive habits, atomic blasts, gastrointestinal diseases and interplanetary warfare, then this is the book for you.
In the not-too-distant future, Latin Americans have pioneered faster-than-light space travel, as have six other ‘intelligent’ races – unfortunately – and the galaxy is awash is interesting interplanetary relations. Enter our protagonist, Dr Jan Amos Sangan Dongo, a colossal man with a face like an ogre, who prides himself in being the veterinarian of the giants – a huge chap with even bigger responsibilities. Elephants and blue whales eat your heart out: Dr Sangan specialises in the gargantuan. Think mountain-sized Amoebas, Tsunami-inducing sea snakes and titan leeches.
When a colonial conflict between two of the master races threatens to disturb the delicate balance of the galaxy, two super-sultry ambassadors embark on a teambuilding journey in a biodegradable spaceship – and invariably get themselves eaten by a mountain-sized space amoeba. Who ya gonna call? Dr. Sangan! To think he doesn’t have enough on his plate, what with the concern of having to administer laxatives to hoards recently cloned and a constipated Stegosauruses on planet Jurassia, Super Extra Grande sees Dr. Sangan having to save the galaxy and ensure the ‘intelligent seven’ remain in relative harmony.
There are only these small problems: the journey is secret, the mission is secret, he won’t get any credit for the job, he’s never worked with a creature of this size before and the two ambassadors just happen to be his competing love interests.
It sounds crazy doesn’t it? And it really is. This book is utterly unlike any other sci-fi novel you will have read before.
In Yoss’s future, the Latin Americans have reigned supreme and the entire world is united under a single language, a kind of English-Spanish mix – Spanglish. In fact, Spanglish has been adopted as the language, not just of the Earth, but the entire galaxy. This is largely down to human beings’ wholly unsophisticated ability to pronounce any complicated alien tongue. In running with this, the dialogue of the novel is written entirely in Spanglish, which is a thought-provoking, yet equally understandable decision on the part of the author. Language is obviously bound to change over time, but it feels like an incredibly brave move to commit to writing a whole novel in this way. That said, be warned that the novel might be a little hard to read if you don’t have a basic understanding of the Spanish language.
One particularly interesting aspect of the storyline, outside of the chaotic and often hilarious narration of the author, is the suggestion that there could be some kind of artificially intelligent super race hiding in the side-lines and overseeing the naïve and simple experiments of the seven ‘intelligent’ nations within their galaxy. It is mentioned almost in passing, but presented in such a way as to plant a seed of suspicion in the reader’s mind – what is going on outside of the novel? This could make an interesting and potentially terrifying story in itself. Perhaps he’s thinking of a sequel?
This book won’t be to everyone’s taste – it’s a little obscure and more than a little sexy at times, but it’s also very amusing and refreshing to read. The marvellous thing with writing about the future is you can really let your imagination run wild and Yoss certainly decided take full advantage of this poetic license.